My name is Hanna Newcomer and I struggle with anxiety.
There is a point to this, I promise. Some days are not so bad, and I'm living in warmth and sunshine and logical thinking where I am able to think realistically and ground myself easily. Some days are very challenging for me, and every now and then, those days flow together. Some times, I worry I'll get stuck in that period of numbish-ness and gray and during those times it is difficult to make my brain and heart put logic in line in a way that could put my cynical thoughts to rest. My anxiety is audacious. It makes leaps and bounds in my mind. It brings to surface worse case scenarios for futures that would, most likely, never in a million years exist and it remembers every mistake, even the tiniest of discomforts for the seemingly very long life I have lived, even though still so short.
I experienced my first anxiety attack when I was a freshman in high school, though I didn't know at the time. The next few years there would be more moments than I could count where I would be short of breath or experiencing chest pains, or suddenly so sick to my stomach it felt as though I wouldn't even be able to keep my organs inside of my body. I remember so many times coming home crying and trying to explain this sickness or this sadness or this unexplainable unease, which came without fever and without reason. It wasn't until I was in college that I would come to experience how severely anxiety can affect you, not only mentally, but physically and spiritually as well. I only shared, in painful detail, about my experience with anxiety for the first time this summer with my youth, while giving a sermon about what it means to relinquish the things that hold you down. Never in my life have I felt more afraid and more empowered at the same time. I haven't shared my story again since then, so this may seem out of nowhere, but today is World Mental Health Awareness Day. I have seen tweets and articles and stories and I am amazed by the courageous people willing to share about the things that have made them feel broken. I know what that feeling is. I am familiar with being inexplicably wrong, with no directions of how to be made right.It is an incredibly lonely feeling for the world to be breaking around you and nobody understand what you are feeling. I am very blessed. I have a support system of people that do everything they can to understand me, and when they don't, they listen. They remind me to breathe. Even when I have felt as though I was experiencing this alone, I know I wasn't. I have a sister that answers every call, a mother that has created her own soothing talk down for when she knows I can't feel reality beneath me, a fiancé that despite every senseless breakdown, is still there to hold me, and a God that reminds me of how freeing it is to let go. I don't write this for pitty, for popularity, or even in hopes of reaching every person who reads it. I write this because at a time when I felt my weakest, I felt God vividly pushing me to tell my story and as much as I hated it in that moment, as embarrassed as I was to tell the kids, whom I want so badly to look up to me, that I am of such frailty, I couldn't be more grateful that I did because there was one mom. One person who verbally affirmed that she needed to hear what God pushed me to say. A mom who, for the first time, could understand what her own child was experiencing and that it was real. A mom who just needed to know how she could help. So often the loved ones of those experiencing mental health problems don't know how to help, and it can be especially hard with feelings that are so ambiguous and that manifest in such irrational ways.
We live in a world that for so long pushed away any conversation of mental illness, that hid every blemish and frightened people of asking for help. Our society has made tremendous progress in the discussion of mental health, but we have so far yet to go. It begins with sharing our stories, helping people see that they are not alone, teaching people the importance of listening to themselves and taking time to understand what they need.
If you are someone who struggles with mental health, please understand that you are not alone and there are so many people who have felt like you are feeling now. Speak up and tell someone you trust that you are worried. Sometimes you just need someone to talk things out with, but sometimes you need more and that is okay, but don't wait.
If someone you know, reaches out to you, just listen. You don't have to have the right words, and you probably won't, but your presence makes every bit of difference. If you feel like someone you care about needs more help than you can give them, go to someone confidential, who will help that person connect to the resources they need. Don't wait.
Open your ears and actively listen. Open your hearts and be willing to empathize. Reach out your arms and offer some comfort. Your presence makes a difference. What kind of difference is entirely up to you.
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1(800)-273-8255
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration Help Line 1(800)-662-HELP
There is a point to this, I promise. Some days are not so bad, and I'm living in warmth and sunshine and logical thinking where I am able to think realistically and ground myself easily. Some days are very challenging for me, and every now and then, those days flow together. Some times, I worry I'll get stuck in that period of numbish-ness and gray and during those times it is difficult to make my brain and heart put logic in line in a way that could put my cynical thoughts to rest. My anxiety is audacious. It makes leaps and bounds in my mind. It brings to surface worse case scenarios for futures that would, most likely, never in a million years exist and it remembers every mistake, even the tiniest of discomforts for the seemingly very long life I have lived, even though still so short.
I experienced my first anxiety attack when I was a freshman in high school, though I didn't know at the time. The next few years there would be more moments than I could count where I would be short of breath or experiencing chest pains, or suddenly so sick to my stomach it felt as though I wouldn't even be able to keep my organs inside of my body. I remember so many times coming home crying and trying to explain this sickness or this sadness or this unexplainable unease, which came without fever and without reason. It wasn't until I was in college that I would come to experience how severely anxiety can affect you, not only mentally, but physically and spiritually as well. I only shared, in painful detail, about my experience with anxiety for the first time this summer with my youth, while giving a sermon about what it means to relinquish the things that hold you down. Never in my life have I felt more afraid and more empowered at the same time. I haven't shared my story again since then, so this may seem out of nowhere, but today is World Mental Health Awareness Day. I have seen tweets and articles and stories and I am amazed by the courageous people willing to share about the things that have made them feel broken. I know what that feeling is. I am familiar with being inexplicably wrong, with no directions of how to be made right.It is an incredibly lonely feeling for the world to be breaking around you and nobody understand what you are feeling. I am very blessed. I have a support system of people that do everything they can to understand me, and when they don't, they listen. They remind me to breathe. Even when I have felt as though I was experiencing this alone, I know I wasn't. I have a sister that answers every call, a mother that has created her own soothing talk down for when she knows I can't feel reality beneath me, a fiancé that despite every senseless breakdown, is still there to hold me, and a God that reminds me of how freeing it is to let go. I don't write this for pitty, for popularity, or even in hopes of reaching every person who reads it. I write this because at a time when I felt my weakest, I felt God vividly pushing me to tell my story and as much as I hated it in that moment, as embarrassed as I was to tell the kids, whom I want so badly to look up to me, that I am of such frailty, I couldn't be more grateful that I did because there was one mom. One person who verbally affirmed that she needed to hear what God pushed me to say. A mom who, for the first time, could understand what her own child was experiencing and that it was real. A mom who just needed to know how she could help. So often the loved ones of those experiencing mental health problems don't know how to help, and it can be especially hard with feelings that are so ambiguous and that manifest in such irrational ways.
We live in a world that for so long pushed away any conversation of mental illness, that hid every blemish and frightened people of asking for help. Our society has made tremendous progress in the discussion of mental health, but we have so far yet to go. It begins with sharing our stories, helping people see that they are not alone, teaching people the importance of listening to themselves and taking time to understand what they need.
If you are someone who struggles with mental health, please understand that you are not alone and there are so many people who have felt like you are feeling now. Speak up and tell someone you trust that you are worried. Sometimes you just need someone to talk things out with, but sometimes you need more and that is okay, but don't wait.
If someone you know, reaches out to you, just listen. You don't have to have the right words, and you probably won't, but your presence makes every bit of difference. If you feel like someone you care about needs more help than you can give them, go to someone confidential, who will help that person connect to the resources they need. Don't wait.
Open your ears and actively listen. Open your hearts and be willing to empathize. Reach out your arms and offer some comfort. Your presence makes a difference. What kind of difference is entirely up to you.
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1(800)-273-8255
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration Help Line 1(800)-662-HELP